How Did We Get Here in the First Place?

How Did We Get Here in the First Place?

Was It…Because Someone Cheated?

This is a really hard one to get over. Not only are you emotionally hurt but you can’t stomach even letting your ex’s lips touch yours because you know they’ve been somewhere else.

Or if you were the offender, you can’t stomach your own guilt about it, always groveling to your ex to let you make it p to them. Either way, until you can stand up tall and accept that it was a mistake by either you or your ex and move past it, nothing’s going to change.

It doesn’t matter how soon or how far back it happened.
It doesn’t matter who it was with.
It doesn’t matter how long it lasted.
What matters is that whoever cheated feels true remorse. If not, then the relationship is doomed to suffer from this again and again.

You should both be allowed to voice your feelings about the situation. Try to see it from your partner’s point of view. But then you have to size up the possibility that this could happen in the future a second time.

If you can reasonable rebuild trust, then repairing the relationship is doable. But if you’re suspicious that you or your partner will cheat again, don’t prolong the relationship anymore.

Was It…Money That Got in Your Way?

If you two were in a real grown up relationship, then you might have already been living together and sharing finances. Money causes a lot of divorces, and if you’re not on the same page, it causes a lot of resentment.

So if finances were the root – what was it? Did one of you resent the fact that the other made more? Did the one making less spend more? Did you keep suffering from debt stress so you were unable to enjoy the romance you two shared?

It’s often just the way you were raised. Some people were raised with financially sound parents who showed them the value of a dollar, made them save allowance for treats, etc. Others were given everything and therefore don’t know about working hard for the money to buy their special items.

Money should never be a control issue.

When you’re in a relationship where the income is being used to promote a household, then it’s beneficial if both partners have a hand in paying bills and maintaining control over the budget.

But sometimes, it’s not couples who are living together that have money problems.
Sometimes it might be something as simple as the boyfriend being annoyed that even though they aren’t on first dates anymore, he’s still having to foot 100% of every night out.

Or it could be that the woman prefers to pay her way and it makes her boyfriend feel uncomfortable. There are many ways money can come between you and your significant other if you let it.
If you’re willing to handle your finances like two responsible people, then this can work. There is middle ground for the thrifty and spendaholics. Your goal is the same – to enjoy life.

Was It…That Your Ex Wasn’t Good Enough For You?

Were you always trying to change something about your ex or was he or she always trying to change something about you? Your weight? Your addiction to work? The number of times you called your dear old mom each day?

There are some couples who start this annoying habit of trying to change one another shortly after they get together. They don’t come right out and say it (well some do, actually – but most are more covert about it).
nstead they do things like this:

If they want to change the other person’s style, they buy them new clothes.
If they want to change their group of friends, they conveniently create plans that don’t allow them to hang out with their old group.

It’s so subtle at first. They start saying things like, “Gosh you would look SO amazing with a shorter haircut!” (If it’s a girl trying to get her long haired boyfriend to clean up a bit).

A guy might make his girlfriend conform by making her jealous, saying something like, “Man Megan Fox has the most beautiful, long luscious hair – isn’t it sexy?”

Well of course she doesn’t want to be one-upped by Miss Fox, so she starts growing it out (and maybe even using dark hair dye on it).
It’s sneaky.

Don’t do it.
If you aren’t with this person because of who they are, then find someone you can love as is. Everyone’s looking for unconditional love – and that means not trying to change them. If you were the one being changed, then you’ll know how bad it hurts to feel like there are conditions to your lover wanting you.

Was It…Because One of You “Lost That Loving Feeling?”

Chemistry dies out like a fire if you don’t stoke it once in awhile. Humans have needs – both emotional and physical. They need to be caressed, held, hugged, kissed, listened to, flirted with, and desired.

Your relationship routine might have made your ex feel starved for whatever it was they didn’t get anymore – that very stuff that made your stomachs and hearts flutter when you first started dating.

If he or she was starving, then chances are you weren’t getting everything out of the pairing that you wanted as well. What were you lacking in the relationship?
What was missing?

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